Method for cultivating garlic:
Heyy! Let's get growing some mother fucking garlic! Homegrown garlic takes little space and effort to get a wicked harvest. It sprouts from a garlic bulb separated into cloves, which you plant individually. Pop over to your local garden center or order some certified, disease-free bulbs online, my suspicious ass.
When it comes to garlic types, you have two options, softneck and hardneck. Soft neck garlic bastards are what you'll likely find in supermarkets, providing the most cloves per bulb - up to 18 soft-ass bitches. They have a white, papery skin, store well, and rarely bolt (produce a flower stalk). But remember, they're less tolerant of prolonged cold temperatures, so they're best suited for growing in milder southern counties with winter protection.
On the other hand, hardneck garlic is tougher - it has fewer cloves per bulb - usually 10 or less. But the good news is, they're generally more resilient and can grow throughout the UK. These types will often produce a curling flower stalk or scape (a fancy gardening term for a dick). Remove this motherfucker as soon as it appears, use it in stir-fries, so the plant puts all its energy into producing a larger bulb. Oh, and there's also elephant garlic, bearing giant, mild-flavored bulbs, if you're feeling extra adventurous.
Planting your little garlic bastards
Plant your garlic baby cloves in a warm, sunny spot, in fertile, well-draining soil (that's not too wet in winter). Remember, don't be a fucking moron and use bulbs from the supermarket because there's a risk of virus infection.
Break up those garlic bulbs into separate cloves, and plant the larger ones with the fat end downwards and the pointy end 3cm below the soil surface, or deeper in sandy soils or raised beds. Harvest from July onwards, once the top growth has begun to die back. Leave the bulbs to dry in the motherfucking sun somewhere away from rainfall for a few weeks before storing.
When to plant that seedling
Now, most garlic types are planted in late autumn or early winter, but if you've got a heavy soil, you might have more success planting in early spring. Shove those cloves straight in the ground or start them off in small pots if you've got heavy soil. If you’re growing garlic in a container, use a pot that's at least 20cm wide and 20cm deep, filled with peat-free, multi-purpose compost. Plant three cloves in a 20cm-wide pot, five or six in a 30cm one.
Growing garlic: go-to links
Average Yield:17 bulbs per 3m row
- Planting garlic
- Caring for garlic
- Growing garlic: problem-solving
- Harvesting garlic
- Buying garlic
- Telephone sex hotline (KIDDING!!)
How to plant garlic
Most varieties of garlic are best planted in late autumn or early winter, as the cloves need a period of cold weather to develop into bulbs.
Make sure your soil has no fucking weeds and last year's crop corpses. Before planting garlic, dig in some homemade compost or well-rotted manure and rake over well. Push cloves in the ground or use a dibber to make holes 15cm apart, leaving 30cm between rows. The cloves should have about 3cm of soil above them, but can be planted deeper if in free-draining soils or raised beds. Wrap those little motherfuckers up in bird netting or horticultural fleece until they're ready to resist getting pulled by birds. In cold areas, cover them with cloches for extra protection to encourage root growth.
Spacing:15 apart30 between rows
Can you plant supermarket garlic?
It's possible to grow garlic from supermarket bulbs, but it's not recommended as there's a risk of virus infection. Always choose planting stock if you want a safe and healthy crop.
Check out the video here for Monty Don showing you how to plant garlic like a motherfucking boss.
Now if you've got heavy clay soil, start your garlic off by planting individual cloves in module trays in late autumn and let them grow in a cold frame up to spring planting. Place these out in the spring when the soil has dried a little.
Depth:3
Or, try growing garlic in raised ridges of soil - 15cm high and 20cm wide. Plant the cloves into these, 15-20cm apart and 7-10cm deep. As the soil is slightly raised, it doesn't get as wet, so the garlic is less likely to rot.
Where to buy garlic online
- Dobies
- Thompson & Morgan
- Van Meuwen
- Suttons
- You Garden
- Sarah Raven
Transform your home-and-garden lifestyle with easy gardening projects like raised beds for garlic. Planting garlic baby cloves in a sunny spot with fertile, well-draining soil can yield a bountiful harvest. For the best results, avoid using supermarket bulbs, as they may carry virus infections. Instead, purchase certified, disease-free bulbs online or from your local garden center. Ensure a successful garlic growth by following proper planting and care techniques.
